Dear Sexy Beasts,
Dear Snarkalicious Peeps,
I have been hanging out, sharing my controlled-chaos-of-a-life with you guys for 2 years and 7 months now. In retrospect, that’s a long-ass time to be here together. And what’s even more amazing is the lack of trolls. I mean, sure we have had a few over time. But one or two twatwaffles with sandy vag’s isn’t that big a deal considering the vast variety of folks we happen to be and how MANY of you guys there happen to be. I mean, seriously……how in the hell did almost 2,500 of you find your way to my page? That is just surreal to me. You see, I had only been on FB for maybe about a year when I started branching out and liking “pages”. I myself enjoyed posting funny, sarcastic stuff from time to time and some of that shit was a bit dark or twisted. I had my Gram and my Pastor on my FB, ya feel me? So, I thought, purely on a whim, “Hey, I’ll just start a page and post my crap there.” It was just an outlet, see? A place to share my random finds that amused me or moved me. I invited some friends and family to like my page and I had 30 something followers for the LONGEST time. I didn’t give a shit. I had no clue about algorithims or fan base or boosting posts or any of that shit. I was gloriously naive to the technical, PITA shit. The part that makes having a page on FB make you want to stab someone in the inbetweens from time to time, or at the very least, smack Zuckerberg. Because I’ll tell ya what, running a page is WORK, guys. Seriously. Stress. Effort. Time. You start becoming a freaking FB ninja, learning the ultimate times to post your shit so more than 3 people see it,pimping out other pages, asking to BE pimped out because you want to share your important shit but FB is only letting 15% of your fans see ANYTHING you post, Liking your OWN shit and knowing it makes you look like a moron but you also know that it can boost your views up by another 11%, responding to PM’s, keeping up on notifications so you don’t have some asshole troll floating around, commenting on all the stuff the fans post, etc etc etc. I had no CLUE back 2 years and 7 months ago about all of that shit. But my page was pretty much super duper uber lamesauce back then. My first post was a cat meme. A motherfecking stereotypical cat meme. Because lame.
Then suddenly I started catching folks attention. Started gaining new likes. And it was……..so WEIRD! People I didn’t even KNOW were reading my page. So weird. You see, I have never been very good at this social thing. Never. I’m deliciously awkward. I prefer alone time. So, I usually have this tight knit group of real close friends and as long as I have THEM, I’m good.
But then suddenly there were these PEOPLE. All up on my page and in my space, yo. And it was awesome. But still weird. Because they started getting to KNOW me. They remembered my kids names. They would casually mention something I had posted about a month ago. They would notice if I skipped a day or two and go “Hey! Where’d ya go?”
It was like having hundreds upon hundreds of stalkers.
But hey, let’s face it, you guys are all pretty fricking hot so I guess I am okay with it.
So, here we are. And my mind is blown. I am in awe. Because this tiny little page thing has become such a vital part of my life. I pull my Snarky Hippie mug out of the cabinet every morning and smile and think of how thankful I am for all of you.I go to grab the creamer from the fridge and there is the magnet from a fan, a poem from another, a card from a third. There s a notepad on my shelf from someone else, 2 beaded bracelets on my wrist the day my daughter was born that a fan made for me that I wore that day because you guys are fucking FAMILY and I wanted to feel that love on that day. I did too. Feel the love. The day my Someday Daughter slipped from my body and let out her first cries of indignation….in that moment, all over the world (all. over. the . world.) there were folks praying, waiting, wondering, posting…..and the outpouring of love…the way you guys celebrated as if I was really your sister or something.
But that’s the entire point isn’t it…..what I have learned in the past 2 years and 7 months. That THIS is family. Not blood (although a few of you ARE my blood family, and I apologize that now our genetic crazy is out there….. 😉 ) but this is so very much more than being linked by genetics. This is love and support and grace and hope and faith and laughter and joy. This is the blog I wrote about my journey through domestic violence and how many fellow survivors stepped forward(so brave) to comment or private message me and tell me about THEIR stories. I swear to you I still recall every single story. This is the woman who wrote to me and said she read that blog and she is getting OUT of her abusive situation and when she does, it is my words she will carry with her. This is the woman who wrote and told me she was struggling with severe PPD and my page was the only thing that made her smile or laugh most days. This is the woman who fights every day to battle her anxiety issues, treading waters deep with fear and panic, but yet finding the incredible superhuman strength to reach out to me and be real and raw and honest in a world of people who might LOOK stronger but are just faking it. This is the mother who watches her sweet son have 10 or more seizures every day. This is the mother who buried her daughter and is now pregnant with her Rainbow baby. This is the mother who lost 3 babies and is now due with her Rainbow baby. This is the woman whose father passed away this year. This is the woman who lost her mother at 24, on her wedding day. The woman whose mom is moving in with her next week and is looking forward to not having to clean anymore because her mom is a neat freak. The man who is a stay at home dad and whose wife and himself sent me some of the sweetest baby clothes ever. The mom who posted the photo of her young son, pants-less and hugging a chicken and I loved it so much I saved it to my desktop and titled it “Joy” because it is. Pure joy.
You guys are my joy. On the dark days when I am drowning in responsibilities and feeling helpless from depression or feeling beaten down by anxiety. On the days my kids are all on asshole duty and the dryer quits working and the toilet clogs and I burn the bread. Or maybe just my PMS-y days. I can sign on and read your comments and messages and it always makes me smile. I have received some of the most heartfelt messages, letters, gifts and comments from you all. I am so very in awe of the outpouring of LOVE.
I’m just some lady, living life. Raising my kids and hoping I am doing it right and that I don’t screw them up too bad. Seeking love. Being a friend, a daughter, a sister, a neighbor, a girlfriend, a cousin, a granddaughter. Nothing real significant or special or spectacular. Just life. Just on my journey home. And here you are. And many of you have told me that I have made some impact on your life. I want you all to know that the feeling is mutual. I’m lousy as fuck with names and some of you keep switching your profile pic which throws me for a loop because I am a visual rememberer. But i am learning. Faces with names. I pay attention. I see you clicking like on every blog I take the time to put my heart into I see you commenting on my daughters page or on my boyfriends page. I see you sharing my posts. I read every single message. I am sorry if I don’t reply to them all. There are a lot of them and only one me and apparently it is frowned upon…or maybe even illegal….to lock the kids in a closet all day just so I can message you all back. But I read them.
The words thank you are not enough. Not even close. But I will say them anyway. THANK YOU. For your support. For your love. For your understanding and camaraderie. For being brave enough to share your own stories. For sharing laughs and joy. I love you all. Your kids are all freaking adorable. The struggles with health issues break my heart. When I say I will be praying, sending vibes or lighting a candle, I truly DO. Those of you who have lost a child, been through a violent storm, are GOING through a violent storm, have been poor/are poor, have gotten a divorce, have a child on the ASD, struggle with depression or anxiety or OCD, love to laugh, love to read, hate drama, crave silence, love music, have a soft spot for furbabies, long for a world of peace and acceptance and love, if your skin longs to be touched by tenderness and lightning, if your dreams are powerful post apocalyptic epiphanies, if the pages in your journal are covered in scribbles of brilliant madness and meandering, if your pillow has ever been soaked with tears, if you ever swore your heart was literally ripping straight out of your chest, if you ever kissed someone in a casket and whispered “I’ll miss you.” , if you ever threw your head back and laughed until your sides hurt, if you ever looked around in a random moment and realized how truly amazing and awesome and wonderful life is……well, you see, we are not all that different. We are all in this together, walking one another home, FAMILY.
I am truly grateful, humbled, thankful for each and every one of you. THANK YOU, for being a blessing to my self and my family. Thank you for grabbing my hand when the way got dark and shadowy and steep and I almost fell off that ledge. I hope I can return the favor some day. I love you guys. All 2,495 of you. I love you.
Now get the fuck out of my kitchen. I have cookies to bake. Enough cookies for nearly 2,500 people. And wine. Someone go make a wine run. I don’t think I have enough here.
And could someone else please let the dog out? She looks like she’s about to…..opps. Never mind.
Who wants to clean that up?
Much love, light and dry humps to you and yours ,
(except not your grandma. I ain’t dry-humping your grandma. She’s a tough bitch and would probably hit me with a skillet.)
❤ Snarky Hippie ❤