Reflecting On The Past 34 Years…..


Bright and early this morning I woke up to a text from my ex husband. Which resulted in a barrage of unwanted texts. Which resulted in my having to change my phone number. But more about that in tomorrows post.
Because today is about me. Thinking back to where I’ve been and all I’ve gone through and how it made me who I am today.
All those texts did was make me so very thankful I am no longer where I was 13 years ago when I first married that man. I’m no longer that girl. Hell, I’m not even he person I was yesterday. That’s the beauty of life. If you’re still breathing, something is changing. Always.
This isn’t a day for regrets. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
My life is not where I intend it to be. Not yet. But I am so utterly beyond grateful for where I am in this moment and who I have in my life. This precious life growing within me, rolling and kicking and stretching. That chubby toddler with the fat-bottomed cloth diapered little bum and the way he throws his head back to laugh from his gut. The 5 year old with his imagination and stubborness and sweetness. And how he holds my hand to fall asleep. The 6 year old who has so much going through his brain that his mouth never stops moving, and who carries more logic than an old man. the 8 year old with his idiosyncratic collections tucked into his pockets and his giggle and the ay he says the TH sound with a softness to it that I know I will miss when he grows up. The 10 year old with his passion and heart and the way he can always make his baby brother smile. And the way he smiles back at him. The 12 year old who has been with me through it all, and is one of my best friends. How he can read betwene teh lines so well and discern the heart of the matter in a situation.
These are slivers of my soul, sliced right out of the brightest part of my spirit. They are what makes my hips find rhythm when I dance. They are the drum beat in my song. They are the ink on paper with every poem I pour out. If you asked me what I would die for, what I believe in, what I live for, you don’t have to look any further than right here by my side. These 6 amazing young men. They are who I am.
I was probably about 3 minutes old when I decided I wanted to be a mom. When your own mom is your hero, its easy to want to follow in her footsteps. I carried a torch for a handful of other dreams along the way. Dreams I have helped to bring to light in one way or another along the way. But the greatest dream I ever saw to be was Motherhood. And there are moments I want to just put my hands up and thank the Higher Power for this gift.
A decade ago, two decades ago….I saw my life ending up differently. Sure. But it’s still so good. So very good. My family. My mother. My sister and brother. My cousins. My Gram. Uncles and aunts.
Friends. Some incredible friends. REAL friends. The kind you think might actually be soul mates. Or long lost sisters and brothers you never knew you had. Folks who know me at my darkest and love me nonetheless. I am so very thankful to know that. To have that. there is nothing I could possibly ask for to add to my life to make it any better, any more blessed than I am right now, right here, in this very moment as it goes fleeting past my window.

1 Corinthians 13
New International Version (NIV)
13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

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