What’s New?

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Well, seeing that I am just so clearly excelling at my whole “I’m Gonna Blog Every Single Day” plan, I guess I should begin getting back on track by doing a family update. especially since I apparently now have quite a few new readers.
So……Hi! My name is Tonia and this is my blog. Sometimes I ramble. Sometimes I vent. Sometimes I try to answer questions or share my thoughts on specific topics. This blog is a strange love child of my OCD and ADHD. What that means is multiple times a day my ADHD brain goes “OOOOhhh! I should write about that! Yes! I have lots and lots to say about that subject!” But then my OCD brain butts in and goes “um…excuse me, but can you form your thoughts into coherent concise sentences? can you clearly portray your emotions on this subject? Do your readers even WANT to read that crap?”
And usually my OCD brain wins only because my ADHD brain finds something shiny to play with or starts dancing to a song in the kitchen or decides to wander off to pick flowers…….
So. Anyway. Whats new here in my little corner of this world?
Well, I am currently 15 weeks pregnant now. Feeling FABULOUS now that the miserable morning sickness and exhausted stage is over. I’m all glowy and energized and feeling all adorable and curvy and loving my belly bump. I’ve been feeling the baby boot around for a good while now and I am just utterly in LOVE.
Life is beautiful controlled chaos here every day recently. I’ve come to terms with the fact that two of my six sons have Aspergers so we are delving into educating ourselves better on that front and gaining support from other folks dealing with that issue. I don’t do medicines or anything so we are learning to utilize behavioral management and coping skills, etc…. Its been a learning process for myself and The Man as well as the boys. Add that issue to the toddler who spends his days destroying everything, dunking kitties in toilets, throwing shoes in trash cans…….While I am attempting to home school 4 of the 6 boys……Yeah. My days are…….FULL. To say the least. But its a GOOD kind of full. I have so many friends right now who have lost their precious children and I find myself just so very overwhelmed with gratitude to have my sons here. Chaos and craziness and messes and noise and all. I’m blessed. And once you have lived through the real messy crap of an abusive relationship like I have, you find the lovely craziness of daily silliness and laughter and all that to be so very freeing and wonderful. This is hands down the happiest my life has ever been.
The Man. Ah The Man. For my long-term readers, You know the back story. For the newer folks, a quickie rundown is I spent 2 years with a physically and verbally abusive man. Back in April I finally found the courage to kick him out. (scariest moment of my life. But one I look back on now with pride.) Chris came into my life shortly after and I was NOT looking for any relationship at that point. At all. But somehow…..well, life happened. And we had barely been together 2 months when birth control failed. A HUGE surprise in the form of a positive pregnancy test. My hands shook when I showed him. I thought for sure he would freak out and leave. Because what many of you do not know about The Man is he is only 23. I have 6 sons. Imagine taking on the responsibility of 6 boys that are not your own plus your own baby on the way with a girlfriend you are still in the early stages of a relationship with. At age 23. I don’t know how many times I told him it was okay if he wanted to go, to find a girl his age to be with that didnt already have this huge pre made family. I would have understood if he left.
And for 3 days he DID leave. Not to be with anyone else. Just to think. And it was a hell of a 3 days for me. I didn’t sleep. I cried a lot and prayed even more and waited. I imagined what it would be like if he chose to not come back. I realized at that point how much I truly loved him.
But he did come back. And he is putting 100% into this. all of it. He makes a huge effort to spend time with each of the boys one on one, to build relationships with them. He works his ASS off. We are currently car-less so he rides a bike back and forth to his 3rd shift job. (we live a solid 20 minute car drive from town.) he never complains. He just does it. Because its what needs to be done. He listens to me when I need to vent or am feeling overwhelmed with worry or concern or whatever my brain happens to be doing in its crazy hormonal state that day. He listens. He is a man of few words and that can be frustrating at times because I am all about hashing things out verbally.But he does listen, and tries his best to apply what he hears from his heart. I respect him so much for that.
Life is what it is. Maybe Chris and I would have just been some casual thing and he would have been on his way by now if I hadn’t gotten pregnant. But that changed the entire dynamic and he may not be perfect but neither am I. And I cannot say one bad thing about a man who at 23 years old says “Hey, I’m gonna change the entire direction of my life because I love this woman and she is having my child.” Thats huge. I tell him every day how much I love him and appreciate all that he does. Back when our relationship began a reader commented on a blog telling me how wrong I was to jump into a relationship with him. Maybe just maybe she was right. But you know what? Life happens while we are busy making plans. And here I am. Happy. And blessed. My kids love him. I love him. The other day I was having an emotional hormonal day and was crying and asked him WHY he was here with me and he said “Because of what you give me.” And I was all woe is me, pity blahblahblah and sniffled out through my tears “What do I possibly give you? Im hormonal and crazy and getting fat.” and he said “A family. All of this. You’re giving this to me.” Then I started crying because he was so damn sweet.
Our house can be loud at times. We fight. we yell. we debate. We make messes. We get silly. we do pillow fights and wrestling matches and hikes in the woods and football games in the backyard and we all pile into our room to watch movies and we say I love you a lot and we always give hugs goodbye and hello. Its beautiful and marvelous and wonderful and perfect.

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