Pardon me, but I’m going to be a bit blunt here.
I wasn’t raised that way. In fact, it took me a very long time to learn it was ok to say no to people. To speak up and say “hey, this is what I need in order to be happy.” without feeling guilty and selfish for it. I have gotten braver and more outspoken over the past couple of years. It feels good.
BUT, I still have class. I know when to bite my tongue. I know when it really just isn’t appropriate to make a comment. But apparently some people have no clue about class.
You all know those people. The ones who share too many details about their sex life. The ones that like to dive headfirst into your personal life as if they own it, making comments about how you raise your kids or when youre going to have a baby or any of that crap.
I get it all the time. You would be surprised how many people think it is not only their right, but somehow their duty to tell me how I should discipline my children or how many babies I should have. It is MINDBLOWING to me, frankly. I mean, sure, if my kids are running around like wild banshees and I am pulling my hair out in stress saying “I don’t know what to do!” , then by all means. perhaps a little helpful tip would be appreciated. If I am crying because I am pregnant and don’t WANT to be, then go ahead and give me a number to a adoption clinic or tell me what form of birth control you use and love.
But Jesus Christ people, do NOT assume I need your HELP here.
I was 3 years old the first time I told my mom I wanted to be a Mommy when I grew up. By age 14 I had decided I wanted at least 6 kids. the reason for this is I had a youth group counselor at church who was the mother of six and their home was filled with so much fun and love and laughter and faith…..I wanted that for my future. And I have it. I am right now, this very moment, living the life I always wanted and dreamt of. I am happy. Grateful. Blessed. There is a pot of home made bean soup simmering on the stove, the house smells like homemade bread. 4 of my sons are playing happily and quietly together in one of the bedrooms right now. Another is resting beside me in my bed. My eldest is at a friends house down the street.My man is asleep in the spare room after working 3rd shift.The house is clean and the sun is streaming through the windows and life is very very good.
I understand some people do not EVER want kids. And that’s great. I don’t care. Its their life and their va jay jay and if they dont ever want to have a child, rock on. Go do what makes you happy. I also understand their are moms who only want one or two or three kids. That’s cool too. I don’t care how many kids you pop out and raise. Why should I? It doesnt impact MY life. how damn ignorant would it be for me to look at my friends who onlyhave a couple kids and go “oh, YOUR life isn’t as fun and fulfilling as MINE. Why don’t you have a bunch more kids?”
But some people think its cool to do exactly that to moms of large families. I have had people actually suggest I go have an abortion. (That was with baby number 6. She actually offered to drive me to a clinic to get it done.) I have had perfect strangers and not perfect strangers alike watch me take a moment to focus on a child or two and speak firmly with them and they will make some comment about “And you want ANOTHER one???”
Look, maybe you enjoy your life of uninterrupted conversations and relaxed dinners. Thats grand. I don’t envy you though. I really don’t. So step back and stop thinking I must be so overwhelmed and stressed and in too deep. Do I get stressed at times? Sure. the same way a mom with one kid has her moments. Honest to God, I was MADE to be a mom. I’m good at it. I love it. I don’t see it as a bother or a hindrance or a burden. I don’t long for child-less vacations or any of that crap. Some day these kids will be grown and gone and I will have the rest of my life for that.
You know what I get? I get the satisfaction of watching my boys devour a meal I made from scratch, and ask for seconds. I get to see my man dressed for work in the uniform I washed for him. I get to hear my kids first words and see first steps and that beats any amount of money a career could give me. I get to educate my sons at home and when they learn a new skill or concept I get the pleasure of knowing I helped them learn it. We always have enough people for an impromptu game of soccer or football in the backyard. Wrestling matches in our bedroom are epic. Holidays are filled with noise and love and laughter. Big jobs become easy with so many helping hands. I never have to carry in groceries. I am not struggling or regretful.
And neither is The Man.
trust me, I’ve been over it and over it with him. I’ve had 3 other men walk out because they didn’t want the responsibility. A crew of Littles simply did not mesh with their plans of drug use and partying. So, they walked. And I have asked The Man so many times if he is really SURE about this that he is sick of me asking. He has made it abundantly clear he considers this his family.I have never pushed it on him or made demands of him. Ever. But he gets up every day and goes to work and when he gets paid he prioritizes out money for the bills first and he never complains. He is a good man. And here because he WANTS to be.
and if he and I decide to have 23 more kids, that’s OUR business. Only ours. And if we decide this baby in my womb right now is the last one I ever carry, that’s also OUR business. Not yours. You aren’t the one making these children. you aren’t the one raising them or disciplining them or any of that. The only way I have to answer for the children I have to this world is by raising them right. If I am raising assholes who are going to grow up to be criminals or whatnot, then that becomes your business.
But I am doing my damndest (The Man too) to raise young men of honor and integrity. Men who put others first and give charitably and are peacekeepers and peacemakers. Men who make this world a better place.
So, to re cap. I don’t need your pity or your snide remarks about birth control or abortion. I’m good.
Stop assuming. 7 kids may be too many to YOU. But it’s okay for me.
Pardon me, but I’m going to be a bit blunt here.