You know me. I’m that crazy hippie chick with the ten hundred children. (Well, six, but same difference.)
I don’t really owe anyone any apologies nor any explanation. I am writing this because I think some stuff needs to be made real clear.
First of all, I don’t regret my life nor the choices I have made up to this point. Not one bit. I know living in this small Southern town there are quit a few ladies here who got regnant at 15, and then popped out a few more by different baby daddies every year or so…The thing is, I was about years old when I decided more than anything I wanted to be a MOM. BY age 14 I knew I wanted a large family. At least 6 kids. My main goal in life was to be a wife and a mother. Maybe this sounds shallow or old fashioned or oppressed. But it is not. For me, it has always been an honorable calling. I do not have regret. I don’t feel like my children take away my freedom. There is zero appeal to me to go out and party and act like an idiot. In fact, I find it really hard to respect anyone over the age of 23 who talks about getting “wasted”. I don’t feel that I have wasted my life up to this point. On the contrary, I feel quite accomplished to have raised 6 boys to this point. I love being home with my kids. I love when we all pile onto my bed and I read to them, sharing them all of my childhood favorite chapter books. I love making playdough for them to play with, or baking homemade cookies for an afternoon snack. I love being a mom and every part of it. Are there days I get a little unsure and overwhelmed? Sure. What parent doesn’t? But if you have this vision of me pulling my hair out while living in a chaotic, messy house….please delete that image. In fact, my OCD keeps this house at a pretty even keel as far as organization. My motto here is “Everything in it’s place.” We have family meetings. We have house rules. We have a routine. My boys respond with a yes mam/ no mam. We do time outs and verbal apologies and written apologies. I don’t have to hit my kids to get them to listen. We do faith and love and laughter and natural consequences. If any of this offends you, I’m sorry. But its what works for our family. Splendidly.
Dave is my second husband. I heard the demented rumor in this town after my first husband left me. He tried to take the blame off of himself by going around telling everyone I was having an affair and doing/selling/making meth. False on both accounts. In fact, both accusations are laughably ridiculous at best. Fact is, he took advantage of a young (18) naïve girl who was coming into a large cash settlement from a car wreck she had been in. He left me pregnant with our fourth, knocked up the girlfriend, and eventually left her as well. He has not paid a dime of child support in about 6 years. (Only reason he paid it before was because the girlfriend paid it FOR him.) He has had zero contact with his sons in 6 years. He is a deadbeat dad. The ending of my marriage destroyed me for a good amount of time. I took myt vows very seriously and the failure aspect of it really crushed me. This is my second marriage and I take my vows no less seriously. I don’t cheat on my husband. Ever. If you message me on FB trying to get that to happen I will block you and tell my husband about it. I keep no secrets from him. I respect my husband. I honor him with my actions. I do not act like a whore or lie to him. I cook him meals he likes. I wash, fold and put away his clothes. I do my best to be sure he comes home to a tidy home every day. I do my best to make sure I look nice when he gets home. Because he works hard every day so he deserves to come home to a peaceful place and a pretty wife. I know some women will get all riled up over that. But that’s because some women are hypocrites. We want men to treat us with respect and love and honor but we wont make the effort required for a man to WANT o treat us that way. You cant act like a lazy hoe and expect to be treated like a princess. Fact. I don’t do men bashing. I won’t sit in a huddle with other women talking crap about men. I find it really offensive that we are okay with women talking about hitting men. In my opinion, its just as disrespectful as a man talking about hitting a woman. If you want to act like a slut, dress like one, do a halfass job cleaning the house….don’t expect to find a great man who will treat you like a queen. I respect my man because of all that he dos. My job is to take care of this home and these kids. I don’t get women who are stay at home moms and expect the men to do half the housework after putting in a full day at work. The fact my husband DOES pitch in without being asked just means he is awesome. I don’t expect it. And I thank him for his help.
I LIKE being a stay at home mom. I don’t want to go get a career and put my kids in day care. I love teaching my sons. I love raising them. I love the fact I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with my sons. I get to see first steps, first words, etc…. I believe in home schooling, breastfeeding, bed sharing, attachment parenting, etc….. I had these kids to be WITH them. I LOVE all aspects of it. Don’t pity me. This is my dream come true. Mm’kay?
I don’t give a crap about name brand clothes or fancy dinners out. Seriously. I prefer to live simply. I think financial waste is a crying shame. I think people who buy STUFF instead of spending time with their kids are doing it backwards. If your kid has every new video game device/toy/etc, but you cannot recall the last time you went outside and played a game of ball or something with them….then you need to think about priorities. My kids don’t have a lot of “stuff.” There is a reason for that. Because I want to build memories with them. I want to teach them a standard of living they pass on to their own kids. I want to teach them values. My boys wear hand me downs. They build forts outside and make up elaborate games of imagination. When they hear of a child in need they will bring their favorite toys to donate. They are being raised to put a value on people, not things. As it should be. Don’t pity me because I cant take my kids to the Fun Factory or buy them a bunch of stupid useless electronic crap. I take my boys on hikes, camping, we do craft projects, we have traditions for holidays…I am abundantly blessed. My life rocks.
So, to sum it up. I CHOSE this life. I LOVE this life. I carry no regrets. I love how lucky I truly am. Every day. I love my homemade tye dyed curtains. I love the fact instead of a livingroom we have turned that room into my husband and mines room (shared with the baby) and it is essentially the family room. I love that we all hang out in there and watch movies and read and play and laugh and chat. People walk into my house and see a mattress on the floor in the “livingroom” and feel sorry for me and ask if I need a couch. I laugh. No. You cant pile all these kids on a couch. The mattress is on the floor so the baby can climb on and off without getting hurt. I HAD a gorgeous black steel frame for this bed. I donated it. I had a couch. Matching chair. Donated that too. Donated a lot of crap recently in this house to make more room for the PEOPLE. For wrestling matches and pillow fights and hide and seek and duck,duck goose and Twister. Eventually it will all be packed away and stuck in storage so we can take a year long road trip, live like gypsies, see a portion of this world and taste life every single day. Because life is about experiences and love. Not mortgage and working to pay into taxes all your life. The only regret I could ever carry is looking back and realizing I failed to connect with the people in my life. That is all.