An apology on behalf of christianity


I suppose in my writing this I may possibly (ok, inevitably) offend a few of my fellow christian brother and sisters. But I’m okay with that because frankly, truth offends us at times. Makes us uncomfortable. Because it causes us to take a closer look at what we might be doing wrong and challenges us to CHANGE.
I call myself a Christian. I do this because we live in a world where people are most at ease if things are all properly labeled. I for one, HATE labels. Because with labels come preconceived notions. Ask any non-Christian person what comes to mind when they hear the word Christian and the words they reply make me cringe. Fanatical, hypocrite, narrow minded, judgmental, bible thumper, holier-than-thou. But I have to admit, they are pretty spot on.
I first started going to church when I was 15 years old. Got dragged there every week by my mom. Literally dragged. Hated it. Once I was 18 I took a casual attitude to church and God. I went once and awhile, like on Easter and Christmas eve to make my mom happy. I made my way through life pretty PO’d at God for any of the crappy stuff that took place in my life and never bothered to say “Hey, thanks” for any of the good stuff. I saw way too much hypocritical living going on in church to think very highly of a God that these folks stood for. I respected a lot of Jesus’s teachings and thought the bible was pretty cool in some parts. (Like all that cool stuff that took place in Acts or the soul-nourishing Psalms. ) But I never got too deep with it.
Until my fiancé passed away suddenly, unexpectedly. And the entire universe got thrown totally off balance. And I recall standing outside the day after it happened, just standing there in the rain getting soaked and not even noticing, holding a soggy, useless cigarette between my fingers and cussing God out. Demanding answers from Him. Telling him how much I truly hated Him. How hurt I was and how much I could tell He didn’t give a crap about my hurt. I am pretty sure I went so far as to flip him the bird. No joke. I was raw and open and rageful.
And I look back at that moment now…..I look back at it with new eyes. Because in the past 2 years I have come to such a new place, and God is now someone I consider tangible. I call Him my Daddy. And I look back at that girl in the rain, soaked and cold and bedraggled and raging and I see my Daddy looking down and just letting me go at it, allowing me the space and timeI needed to vent and demand and fume and exhale. Like how I allow my 4year old to have his melt down tantrum. Stand back quiet and watch him stomp and screech and throw himself down so dramatically. And then, when he calms a bit, I kneel down and scoop him in my arms and hold him and reassure him I still love him, I always have loved him, I always will love him. THAT is my Daddy up there. And that’s what he did. Let me do what I had to, take the direction I wanted to (needed to) on this journey until I finally was calm enough in my own self for Him to kneel down and gather me up in his arms and tell me He loved me.
And I GOT it. Really GOT it. It took me a whole lot of being stubborn. But I had an ah-ha moment and finally GOT it.
And here I am now. Trying to share that love. Trying to explain to others where I have come from and where I am going and WHY. Not really so much with my words, but with my life. Just by example. Just by keeping the peace, just by speaking kind words to hurting souls, just by a smile or a hug or whatever thing may be needed by whatever person God puts in my pathway that day. I am no one of any real importance. I don’t do anything huge or spectacular. All I am doing is living out the love God gave to me, sharing that grace that He gave to me, forgiving the way He forgave me.
Andwhat kills me, are these Christians who are going around touting intolerance and hatred in the name of my God. Because I am sorry, but my daddy doesn’t stand for that nonsense. He is a God of grace and mercy and love. Sure, he stands for justice and we should really respect Him. But He never intended for us to go around making Him all fire and brimstone. It is simply not our place.
So, to all of you folks who have met a Christian in your life (or a few) who have judged you, looked down on you, rubbed you the wrong way…..please understand we are just as human as you are. (Although some folks may forget this fact and walk around with thier nose up in the air.) But the fact is, no one is perfect. I am so very sorry if we ever, as followers of Christ have made you feel like less of anything but everything that God loves in you. If we could be perfect, we would have no need for God. Those folks from that church that tout their signs of hatred towards people, the ones who hold up banners stating “God Hates Fags.” and stuff like that. I’m sorry they are using my God to spread that crap. I truly am. My God doesnt hate anyone. My God CAN’T hate anyone. It goes against His very nature. For the person who told you you were going to burn in hell for one mistake you made, one “unforgivable choice”, one sin…….please forgive that. That was NOT their judgment to make. For all of the times you were perhaps looked down upon because of a divorce, because of your sexual orientation, because of what you drink or wear or whatever……forgive us as that was also NOT our place to judge.
As Christians, we are not called to condemn or judge or ridicule or scare or threaten…..we are simply called to love. To take that lesson we all learned at the foot of a cross, that lesson all about sacrificial love and mercy and grace and we are supposed to go spread that. And only that. Not argue politics, not condemn gays, not spew hatred at any other human beings, but to simply love. If more Christians would get that concept through their skulls, it would create far more oppurtunities for we as believers to truly share what we believe in in a way others would actually take the time to listen to. To simply sit and listen to peoples stories, to care enough about their soul that we set aside the judging and arguing and pettiness and simply LOVE them.
THAT is what my Daddy is all about.
I am so sorry we seem to have lost the point, lost sight of what we started this faith thing for in the first place. I think its high time we get back to the point.
Less closed-mindedness. More love. Less hypocritical living. More love. Less judging. More love. Less of us, more of Him.

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