When The Victim Is To Blame

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rape
The above is real. It was a survey given at a school. Real teenagers gave their opinions. And the results are appalling. Heart sinking. Sickening. And it makes us wonder what are we teaching our youth? No wonder so many girls and women in this country never even bother reporting sex crimes. We have it pretty well planted in our minds that circumstances have to be just so in order for it to TRULY be a crime.
You may have heard the news story recently about the two 18 year old high school football players charged with raping a drunken 16 year old girl. Sad, right? Here is the TRULY sad part, that girl has come under attack in a HUGE way. I read through dozens of comments yesterday from people who felt the need to share THEIR opinion on the matter after reading the news story. Person after person rationalized that CLEARLY this girl was asking for it. She got what she deserved because she got drunk. She was underage and drinking, she should be punished. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time……I got sick to my stomach reading these comments.
Go ahead and point a finger at her mistakes. Because none of US were never 16 years old making mistakes, right? Not one of us ever drank more than we intended or went to a party we maybe should have avoided or hung out with a friend who wasn’t that great for us. Right? We never dated the wrong person or blew money on a stupid purchase…..we are all perfect???????
Not even close.
I don’t give a rip if that girl was a nun at home reading her bible or if she got three different shades of stupid drunk and puked in her own purse. Rape is rape is rape. Its never ok. Its never anything less. Its assault. Its wrong. There will NEVER be a scenario when the victim is to blame.
I have six sons.I teach them respect. I talk to them about honor and integrity and being gentlemen. If they see a lady who is dressed scantily, they know to avert their eyes. I hope I teach them well enough that when they are teens, even if some drunk girl throws herself at them, that they will make a wise decision.
Because the sad fact is, more often than not victims of sex crimes do not report it. There is a stigma there for so much shame. To top it off, if they DO report it, it very often goes ignored. The police will tell you its your word against his. That you shouldn’t have been under the influence. That you have a reputation. etc….I have heard countless stories from women saying that is exactly what they were told.
I am one of them. I was raped. By a man I had a history with. So, who would believe me? He told me he would just tell them I had WANTED it. What proof did I have? That incident followed me for a very long time. Even to this day, there are moments with my husband where a millisecond will flash across my memory. There are rules now when it comes to sex, sadly. I freaked out one day when my husband ran his hand lovingly down my jawline while we made love. In my mind I was back in THAT night with the other man and HIS hand was on my neck squeezing until I was unconscious. My husband knows now not to go near my throat, not even to kiss. Its sad how rape mars what is meant to be a beautiful thing. I have learned over time to speak up. Because if no one does, it continues to get swept under the rug. And girls continue to be blamed. And they continue to believe they ARE to blame.
So, let me make this straight.
It doesn’t mater what you wear. Rape is Rape.
It doesn’t matter if you started to make out or lead him on and then changed your mind and said no. Even if he is already hard. Rape is Rape.
It doesn’t matter how much you drank. Rape is Rape.
It doesn’t matter if you are dating him, used to date him or are even married to him. If you said no and he did it anyway….Rape is Rape.
The fact is, those two boys made a choice. They had sex with a very inebriated underage girl. That was WRONG. I am sorry if the consequences lead to them losing their chance at the future they planned. But take it from someone who has been there, that girls life is already marred and changed.
Stand up. Speak out. No ALWAYS means no.
Always.

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