I have six sons.
Not on purpose, mind you. My plan was to have a daughter first. She would have blonde hair and big blue eyes and I wold name her Destiny Starr. I had this plan all figured out by the time I was 14 years old.
But apparently God doesn’t pay much attention to MY plans.
I love my boys with so much love my heart can barely fit it all in. Seriously. They are my reason for breathing, my soul-song. I can’t imagine life without them. Being a mom of all boys can be like treading into scary, unfamiliar territory at times. But it also is the most fun EVER. Its a blast. Its all wrestling and football and superheroes and silliness blended with those sweet little boy snuggles and the unbearable cuteness of a chunky two year old in overalls. I am queen of this house and that’s pretty darn cool.
BUT, sometimes I long for a princess. Sometimes I am out, at the park or at a diner and I will see a little girl and imagine for a moment what it would be like if she were my daughter. The toddler at my sons awards ceremony at school with her mom, the one with the Shirley Temple culs and the stripey shirt with the polka dot pants and glittery tu tu and kitty rainboots…the girl at the playground with the long flowing hair dancing in the grass to the music in her head…..the little girl at church snuggling on her moms lap as they share a snack out of the moms purse……these are all glimpses of the someday daughter in my heart. Because as much as I adore my sons, I still find I longto share what I know and what I am learning as a woman with another future woman. ❤
And yes, I do realize that the someday daughter may never actualy exist. But if she ever does…..this is what I would say to her.
Dear SomeDay Daughter,
The fact is, no matter what I tell you in this letter, you are still going to go out and make your own choices. I know that and I accept it. I hope you take some of what I say to heart and embrace it as truth at some point but I also encourage you to carve out your own pathway in this wilderness of a world. Life is far more exciting that way. Trust me on this. The only result you get from following the crowd is exactly what you see all around you. Never doubt the power in a simple decision to turn right when everyone else is turning left. Read Robert Frosts "The Road Less Travelled." Memorize it. Live by it. And remember, its never individuality if everyone else is doing it. That's called a fad. Two totally different things.
Ignore what society says is acceptable or normal for your mind and body. If you want to seek higher education, go for it. Your mind has no limit. If you want to shave your head or grow your hair to the floor…..pay no mind to those who disagree. If the latest fashion trend feels comfortable on you, wear them. If they don't, wear what does. he most important thing you can be is comfortable in your own skin, truly. Find your style and embrace it. Seek your own interests and become what you want. Go ahead and buy makeup. Its fun. Experiment with all the different ways to decorate your face and hair and body. Be silly. Be fancy. But then go wash your face. Save the makeup for the occasional night out. Or don't bother with it at all. Because you lok fabulous with nothing but a bare face and a smile. The most beautiful women I know are the ones who don't wear makeup. Its not about their outer appearance. Its about the fact the love and peace and joy within them shines so brightly that makeup would only dull that light. Don't let society convince you of crap like wrinkles are ugly or anything above a 0% body fat index is gross. Walk with good posture, make eye contact, smile. Be YOU. Youre gorgeous.
Never compromise who you are for anyone. True friends nurture you and build you up. Always.
Don't give yourself away to a boy just because he says I love you. Those are only words. Make him prove it. A real man will not be threatened by a strong woman. He will treat her like a lady and spoil her and lift her up in honor. If a man insists you have sex to prove YOUR love, walk away. No one should ever bully you into giving yourself away. Wait until you find that man who will wait for you. Wait until he gets down on a knee and promises you forever. You are worth it.
Always play fair. Never cheat or lie or steal. Dress modestly. Don't be afraid to give your opinion. There is no such thing as a stupid question.
When you are out in public, at school or wherever, and you are 100% convinced everyone around you is judging you because youre having a bad hair day or your jeans are old or you have a huge pimple on your forehead, let me reassure you, people are really not THAT focused on you. Believe me on this. Every single other person around you is dealing with their own insecurities. And those few people who tease you and make you feel bad? They are so wrapped up in their own insecurities they have to tear at other people to make themselves feel better. Isn't that sad? Feel sorry for them and move on. With grace.
When someone compliments you simply thank them.
If a guy tries to touch you in a way that makes you uncomfortable tell him NO. Loud and clear. If he does it again kick him in the balls.
Be a lady. You can be strong and still be a lady. This means don't be a whore. Don't get a reputation. Don't get fall don drunk or smoke or screw with drugs that will make you act like an idiot. Don't fight. Don't cuss like a drunken truck driver. Don't dress like a strung-out hooker. Have some class. For some reason classy ladies don't exist as often as they used to. Never mind "Bringing sexy back" Bring CLASSY back. That way, when people hear a rumor about you, they wont even pause to think it could be true for a second.
Take care of your body and respect it. I know having a monthly period can be a real hassle. But be thankful for your body being healthy. So many women don't have healthy regular cycles and therefore cannot have children and often have chronic pain. Celebrate the fact your body behaves exactly as it should be instead of whining about the hassle. Eat whole foods whenever possible. Get sunshine and fresh air everyday.
Most of all, know that you are loved. Immensely and totally LOVED. By God first of all. And by me. Always. No matter what choices you make. No matter how many times you fail. I will always love you. And so will God. That, my dear, is called grace. Live your life doling it out in abundance and you will find yourself surrounded in it. Love and grace always multiply.
Shine on, you crazy diamond.
I have six sons.